Friday, June 16, 2006

BRITNEY SPEARS IS A SMELLY CUNTRAG



Has-been pop star Britney Spears appeared on NBC's Today show in an interview with Matt Lauer.

Spears denied problems in her marriage with Kevin Federline (who at the age of 26 has two other children with another woman). Federline, or K-Fed as he is also known as, was described by Britney as being like a "boy," (and she meant that in a good way). K-Fed, is competing with former NBA player Shawn Kemp in trying to father the most kids by the most women, has released a horrible rap single called "Popozao". I would link to it, but I refuse to dignify that noise as music.

There are now reports that Spears wants to give birth to her child in the African country of Namibia. Holy fuckin shit. You can't even find that shit on a map, Britney.

Spears said she felt like a target and that the paparazzi had gone too far in their pursuit of pictures of Spears and her first child. You walk around with shirts that say "MILF in training" --I'm not shedding a fuckin tear for you, bitch.

Britney Spears confirmed her enormous stupidity in 2003 when she supported Pres. Bush, saying, "We should just trust our president in every decision he makes and should just support that." Not a surprising statement--Spears probably thinks Bush is just like her--rich and stupid.

However, Spears had a brief moment of clarity, stating in her Today interview, "I'm an emotional wreck right now."

BEN ROETHLISBERGER IS A FUCKING MORON



A helmetless Pittsburgh Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger was involved in a motorcycle accident earlier this week. He was launched from his motorcycle and slammed into the windshield of the other car, breaking his jaw and nose, and losing and chipping many of his teeth. He was discharged late Wednesday night from Mercy Hospital in Pittsburgh. He deserved it.

Last year, ESPN did a report on athletes who ride motorcycles. Roethlisberger was asked about using a helmet. He responded,

"You're not going to make a decision for me, especially if you're not my boss or my employer. You don't have the right to make that decision for me...I don't think its as much of a risk as people make it out to be...[The Steelers] don't like me doing it, but they know I'm a man. I can make my own decisions.

Yeah, you're a man, Ben. A man with a fucked up face right now. Thousands of teenagers watched your machismo and probably decided to make the same stupid decision. You should be ashamed of yourself.

In addition, there have been media reports that Roethlisberger did not have a license to drive a motorcycle. What a schmuck.

Did the accident literally knock some sense into Roethlisberger? No. Even though he said he would use a helmet if he ever rode again, he said, "By the grace of God, I'm fortunate to be alive." No, Ben. You were driving in a city, where the speed limit is probably 30 MPH. If you were on a highway, there would have been no "grace of God," and your family members would be making funeral arrangements right now.

For these reasons, Ben Roethlisberger is a fucking moron.