Wednesday, June 28, 2006


Look honey, there's a monkey jumping on Oprah's couch...oh wait, sorry, it's only Tom Cruise...

Forbes magazine has named Tom Cruise the world's #1 celebrity, beating out the likes of Oprah, Tiger Woods, Steven Spielberg, and rapper 50 Cent. He came to fame through movies like Risky Business, Top Gun, and more recently, the Mission Impossible series.

He has jumped off the deep end since converting to Scientology, and he thinks psychiatric medicine is wrong (Well, that explains a lot doesn't it, Tom?). Oh, and Cruise was abused by his father and abandoned by him at the age of eleven. I'm sure that aided his psychological development.

I can't take this SOFTCOCK seriously--everytime I see a trailer for a new movie of his, I can only think of the beady-eyed psycho who appeared on Today with Matt Lauer. I can't believe Katie Holmes is still with this douchebag. I would tend to think that a boyfriend who is in a CULT would be a turn off, but maybe I'm not 'open-minded' enough. If Katie Holmes' body were to wash up on a California beach, I would not be surprised. Don't think it's a cult? They say he is in one of the highest echelons of Scientology, the "Operating Thatan Seven". Besides the fact that that sounds like something out of Star Trek, the notion of increasing in rank is typical of cults.

It is reported that Cruise performed many of his stunts on Mission: Impossible 3. Couldn't any of the stage hands, like, cut a hole in a safety net or something? And now he has done one of the worst things any crazy ass motherfucker can do--he spawned a child with Holmes 2 months ago. I'm sorry for you, kiddo, you're gonna be the most fucked up and deranged of all the fucked up and deranged Hollywood children. I bet you 10 bucks Suri Holmes Cruise develops a drug habit by the age of 10 and kills herself by the age of 16. Any takers?

Cruise even said he would eat Holmes' placenta after giving birth in an interview with GQ magazine. He then said it was a joke. Not surprisingly, normal people did NOT find this funny. You are a stomach-turning disgusting fuck.

And the worst thing Cruise is responsible for--he took Isaac Hayes from South Park. Hayes became a scientologist and left the show when they parodied the "religion." We loved you chef. Your oversexed voiceover of the character 'Chef' added much-needed perversion to bland standard cable television. Now you are a Tom Cruise disciple--go put on a black robe and drink some "spirit juice" and follow that comet in the sky.

You are a sick dickwad, Cruise, I am sick of hearing you and seeing you. I hope you go away and die.